In the summer I was diagnosed with a couple of anxiety disorders. Now, I know that people have mixed thoughts and opinions on mental illnesses, and that's entirely not the point of this post. I'm not here to give a convicting speech about the legitimacy of anxiety disorders {although don't get me wrong, I can definitely vouch for the reality of anxiety}. I simply had to make that statement in order to continue on with what this post is supposed to be about. So let's all collectively take a deep breath, forget about our own personal opinions about anxiety disorders, and continue reading.

This weekend, I was on a retreat up at a lovely cottage with nine other individuals from the College & Careers group from my home church. It was a significantly smaller group than we normally get at our retreats, but it was still an amazing time, and an awesome opportunity to get away from reality for awhile, get some rest, and spend time with God. As our theme for the weekend, we were focusing on walking as Jesus walked. The three sessions were: living a life of integrity as Jesus did, knowing God as Jesus did, and spending time with the Father as Jesus did.

Before our session last night, my young adults pastor decided to take some time for people to share about what God has been teaching them lately. That's when I spoke up and decided to share what I mentioned at the very beginning of this post -- the fact that I was diagnosed with two anxiety disorders in the summer. It's obviously something that has greatly impacted my life, and is a part of my every day. But I'm not here writing all of this because I want everyone to know how rough my struggle can be. I'm here to say that I'm thankful for these anxiety disorders. I actually laughed out loud when that came out of my mouth at the retreat last night; I'd never said those words before. "I'm thankful that I struggle with anxiety." If you're reading this, and you're also someone who struggles with anxiety {and even if you don't}, let me tell you exactly why this is something that I'm thankful for.

Exactly what I said to the group of individuals whom I spent my weekend with was this: "I'm thankful that I struggle with anxiety because while it does suck quite a bit at times, it constantly reminds me of my undeniable need for Christ." I'm someone who can get so caught up in all of the tasks that I have to do every day that I forget to be in a constant state of prayer, inviting God into every situation that I'm in. Because of my humanness, I end up thinking that I can get through every day on my own, by my own strength. But anxiety {and the Lord} remind me that that's not how life works. I end up being completely overwhelmed by anxiety, and I call out to the Lord in prayer, asking Him to be my strength.

After sharing that with the C&C group last night, on the car ride back from the retreat this afternoon, I was reading from The NIV Application Commentary: Acts, and I came across a couple of quotes that brought me hope:

"There will be suffering, and it may be quite severe. But God will turn it into good... Evil is a reality, but God is a deeper and more powerful reality."

"The most important thing to bear in mind in a crisis is the sovereignty of God. An envoy from the Pope once met Martin Luther and threatened him... He warned him that in the end all his supporters would desert him. "Where will you be, then?" he asked. Luther replied, "Then, as now, in the hands of God.""

While these quotes are powerful and encouraging, as a Christian, I find my ultimate comfort and hope from verses that come from the Bible. I've always found 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 to be comforting, especially in times of great anxiety:

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

It's in my most anxiety-filled moments that I realize how truly week I am. It's in those terrifying moments when my heart is racing, my head is spinning, I can't breathe, and I feel like I'm losing control that I am reminded of Who is in control. And let me tell you, it's definitely not me. In reality, it's never me. I'm a mere human. I have an undeniable need for Someone far greater than I. My undeniable need is for my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. And that, my friends, is why I'm thankful that I was diagnosed with a couple of anxiety disorders this past summer.

Remember that time when I said I'd put up two posts each month? Yeah, well I kind of failed with that in August. None the less, I'm back and (hopefully) better than ever!

This past Sunday I moved back into residence at my Bible college and I just completed a week of training alongside the other student leaders (Student Council and RAs [Residence Assistants]). It's been a long and busy week, and I'm now fighting a cold, but I learned a lot this week and I'm feeling ready to face this school year. I have to be honest though, and say that for the first few days I really didn't want to be here. I absolutely love my school; the incredible people that I've met here over the past two years have really made this place feel like a second home to me. But despite that, I really did not want to be here. I have no idea what it was. In a sense though, it was good as it caused me to focus more on God, realizing that He is the true source of joy. It didn't matter that I was surrounded by friends whom I love, and whom I hadn't seen for four months. I still didn't want to be here. But by God's grace and the unending joy that He provides, I'm now settling in and am excited to welcome the rest of the student body to school on Monday morning!

It always strikes me as so interesting that something I've done before can seem so different when it's done again a different time. Does that sentence even make sense? What I mean is that last year I was at school a week early for training week, and I was in the same position - being the newspaper editor on Student Council. But here I am roughly a year later, and everything seems so different, so new. This year feels better, and I feel more confident and more prepared for my position. I feel like I know what's going on, and I feel like I actually belong on Student Council. And while I had to go through some of the same sessions as last year on effective communication, confidentiality and referral, and emergency procedures, that has caused me to realize that sometimes we need to hear something more than once in order for it to actually sink in and stay with us.

Something that I'm really looking forward to is that I'm involved in leading some musical worship with fellow student leaders on Monday. (Sidenote: our worship team consists of me and about six of the RAs so I really want to call us "Lizzy and the RAs".) Anyway, I haven't been on a worship team at my school since my freshman year, so I'm really stoked and I'm grateful that I have this opportunity to lead the student body in musical worship alongside some of the student leaders. God is gooooood.

Although this post isn't as long as some of my other ones have been, I just wanted to give a little bit of an update. My plan over the course of this school year is to use my blog more often, giving updates on life at school, things that I learn in class that stand out to me, or even things that I learn outside of class that stand out to me. So I'll be posting again soon!