It's the last day of 2016. And what a year it's been!

"[Sits in temperature controlled home, tweeting on handheld personal computer across the world, instantly] 2016 IS THE WORST!!!"

"In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33b)

So let's shake this ridiculous mindset that 2016 was the worst year ever, and see it instead as a year of changes and some hardships, but ultimately a year that God used in order to shape and grow each of us as individuals, in many different ways. 

Something that I've been really working at recently is finding my identity in Christ and realizing that it doesn't matter how I look, how much I weigh, whether my clothes are by an expensive brand or not, how many friends I have, or (the "big" one) whether I have a boyfriend or not.

December is my favourite month of the whole year.

Yikes. Tomorrow I turn twenty. I'll no longer be a teenager and I'm not quite sure how emotionally prepared I am for this... Ahem, let's put my emotions away into that dusty box in the corner where they usually reside.

In honor of the momentous occasion of becoming two decades old (almost), here are nineteen lessons I've learned thus far in my life.

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

4.  Be grateful.

Start your day by thinking of three things that you're grateful for. Be thankful for simple things like pizza and iced coffee. End your day by writing a list of ten things that you're grateful for that happened that day. Thank people for something as simple as holding the door open. Be grateful for important things like the gift of salvation, grace, and unconditional love from our heavenly Father.


5. Stop looking at everyone as a "potential"!

Now, I'm not saying to stop thinking that people have potential; I'm saying stop thinking that every guy (or every girl) is someone that you could maaaaybe date and possibly see yourself marrying. Yes, that's something that's important, but don't force it. Remember that platonic friendships are totally okay!!


6. Seek joy in the smaller things in life.

Laugh at a joke longer than you "should". Be happy that you got a 58% on a test you were convinced you failed. Smile when you see your favourite chocolate bar on sale in the grocery store on exactly the day you were craving it.


7. People don't think about you as much as you think they do.

Harsh reality, I know. But it's helpful, especially when you think that everyone's going to remember that seemingly suuuuuper embarrassing thing that you did last week. Spoiler: no one remembers. Okay, well someone does, but at least it's not everyone, right!?


8. Say sorry.

Apologizing can suck, especially when you feel justified in staying mad at someone. But saying "I'm sorry" is so important! And personally, I'd prefer to lose an argument over losing a valuable relationship with someone.


9. It's all about balance.

Some days you'll wake up at 7:00AM and work out, and then you'll eat salads and drink lots of water all day. Other days you'll eat three cupcakes, half of a pizza, and you'll drink two iced capps. Both are fine, as long as you don't do the latter every day...!


10. Remember that your identity is found in Christ.

Especially on days when you're feeling completely unsatisfied with yourself, you can be reminded that your worth isn't found in how much you weigh, whether your clothes are from WalMart or American Eagle, whether you have a boyfriend (or girlfriend) or not. Your identity is solely, completely, one hundred percent found in who Jesus Christ says you are.


11. Make new friends, but keep the old...

...One is silver and the other gold. Growing up and going to college has shown me that meeting new people is awesome, but it's vital to remember to keep in touch with my friends who've grown up alongside me and supported me through everything. (I'm especially thankful for the ones who supported me even through those awkward early teenage years... yikes. Y'all are the real MVPs.)


12. Don't let fear hold you back!

If I let fear hold me back, I wouldn't be here in my third year of Bible college, studying to become a worship leader. As I've mentioned in previous posts, I struggle with social anxiety; as much as I really want to become a worship leader, it's one of the things that scares me the most! But I've been learning that it's important to face my fears.


13. Sit with your emotions.

This is something that I'm still not good at. But I'm trying. It's important to learn how to process your emotions, otherwise you'll find yourself getting super overwhelmed but you won't understand why you're feeling that way. There will be times when you're overwhelmed and there's no explanation for it. Keep that in mind.


14. You still need your parents.

It's true that you become more independent as you get older but heck, I'm turning twenty tomorrow, and I still get my mom to call the doctor's office when I'm sick to book an appointment for me. And sure, I feel super accomplished when I call a 1-800 number to talk about my credit card, but I also know that I'll still be calling my parents when I'm married and have kids.


15. Remember where you came from.

This ties in with the last one. Even when you're all grown up and moved out of the house, remember that your parents (and likely your siblings, too) were your first and biggest supporters in life. Don't let that slip your mind. Make sure you don't just talk to your family when you need money, or you're sad. Talk to them about the exciting things that are happening!


16. Try not to be dramatic.

This one speaks to my soul, so don't get offended. Someone who's close enough to me to say something like this recently told me that I used to be (slash still am) someone who can blow a situation out of proportion when it's really not that big of a deal. I'm glad that that point was made to me, because now whenever I find myself getting frustrated with a situation, I ask myself 'how big of a deal is this, really?'

I'm always entertained by the fact that I find myself telling my Christian friends that I trust God, and that I believe He'll always provide for me, when deep down I'm actually worrying about where I'll get the money to pay off my Visa bill, or how I'll muster up the courage to have a difficult conversation with someone. Don't get me wrong; I logically trust God in the grand scheme of things, but at the same time I still find myself fretting about things that I should really be leaving in His hands.

Let me share with you a recent story of mine that has me thinking about trusting God and His provision.

I got an automated phone call a week or so ago from my bank, telling me that my credit card had been compromised, and I was to contact my bank in order to get a new card. I was a little bit shocked at first, but then I stopped thinking about it because my mind was on the recent CRA scams, and since the call I received was automated, I thought 'maybe it's not legit'.

A couple hours later I was online, trying to buy some sheet music for my voice lesson. I had completely forgotten about the phone call I'd received, so I was going through with my Visa transaction as I normally would. Once I hit "complete", a message came up saying something to the effect of "Your credit card is invalid. Please contact your bank." It was in that moment that I really started to worry; I realized that the automated phone call I had gotten a few hours earlier was legit. Good thing I listened the whole way through and didn't hang up because I thought it was a scam.

Long story short, I called my bank and got everything sorted out. Before they could cancel my Visa, I had to pay off my bill for the month, which left me a little bit short on money. So naturally, I started to worry about that. I suddenly remembered that my mom had told me that a government cheque had come in the mail for me the day before. While it's always fun to get money from the government, I hadn't actually thought anything of it, but when I was lowkey short on money, I realized that it was a subtle way in which God was reminding me of His provision no matter what I needed.

As I shared this story with one of my apartment mates, I was reminded of the passage in Matthew 6:25-34 which says:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or "What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

It's so awesome to step back from the worries of this life, and take note of the incredible ways in which God is constantly providing for the things that we need! He is truly awesome.

Today marks one year since my Opa died. And earlier this week marked twelve years since my Grandma died. Needless to say, it's been a long week in that regard.

Today is also a part of the Thanksgiving long weekend. While my heart has been aching with the pain of my earthly losses, I recognize that I still have much to be thankful for. Simply to name a few; I have family and friends who love me, I have the funds to pay for school, I have a job, and I have the knowledge that both my Opa and my Grandma loved Jesus as their personal Lord and Saviour. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, but amidst that pain, I know that I will see my loved ones again, and when that time arrives, I'll never have to say goodbye.

At my Opa's funeral, I had the opportunity to give a eulogy. It was definitely one of the most difficult things that I've had to do, but it was something that was so important to me, and I'm grateful that I was able to do that. Planning what I was going to say took me quite awhile, and I'm not sure I can concisely come up with something else, so I'm going to take this time to share that eulogy with you.



{October 13th, 2015}

The man who we are all here honouring today is a man that I could talk to you about for hours. But seeing as he was quite remarkable, others want to talk about him as well so I’ve been given only a couple of minutes. Now, I could spend these minutes telling you about the hard worker that he was, or how much he cared for his family, both of which are true, but I’ve chosen to share a couple of personal memories that are simple but that I will carry forever, and that I’d like you all to know too.

When I think back to my childhood with my Opa, I remember countless Sunday mornings sitting on the far side of the church with him and my brother. When it came time for the offering, I remember Opa giving both Eric and me two toonies; one of them was for the offering plate, and the other one was for us to keep. Considering this happened pretty much every Sunday, I’m sure you’d believe me when I say that I had quite a collection of toonies going on. As we grew older, he stopped giving us toonies, and my wallet has definitely been feeling that loss.

I sing on the worship team here at my church; over the years, I remember my Opa telling me after a service in which I had sung with the team, that he could hear me singing beautifully that morning. But my friends always tell me that you can’t really distinguish different people’s voices when the congregation is singing with the worship team, so I think my Opa was just trying to flatter me. To me, a compliment’s a compliment and I truly appreciated his constant encouragement throughout the years. He supported both my brother and me in everything that we did, with every choice that we made, and he was always proud of us.

Another memory that I have of my Opa is one that carried on right until the very end. I didn’t think much of this until I got a little bit older, but I started realizing that whenever Eric and I went out anywhere with him, he would always make sure to tell whoever it was that we came across that we were his grandchildren, and not only that, but we were his only grandchildren. When Eric and I visited our Opa in the hospice for the first time, I remember he was pretty quiet; he was content listening to Eric and my conversations. But when the nurse came in, he was very quick to introduce us and some of the things that he said were, “these are my grandchildren!”, “my only grandchildren”, and “they come to visit me a lot.” Whenever we would visit him, whether he was at home, in the hospital, or in the hospice, he would never let us leave without telling us how much he appreciated our visits.

In his eighty-nine years, my Opa was a very well-loved man. Since his passing, I’ve had different people tell me about how much they appreciated his stories, and his presence in their lives, in this church, and in his business. We will continue to love him, and although we miss him terribly now and we will for as long as we remain here, I can’t help but be excited for the next time we get to visit him. And I know that in Glory, I won’t ever have to worry about our visits ending.

This picture was taken during one of my Opa's hospital stays last summer {July 2015}

In the summer I was diagnosed with a couple of anxiety disorders. Now, I know that people have mixed thoughts and opinions on mental illnesses, and that's entirely not the point of this post. I'm not here to give a convicting speech about the legitimacy of anxiety disorders {although don't get me wrong, I can definitely vouch for the reality of anxiety}. I simply had to make that statement in order to continue on with what this post is supposed to be about. So let's all collectively take a deep breath, forget about our own personal opinions about anxiety disorders, and continue reading.

This weekend, I was on a retreat up at a lovely cottage with nine other individuals from the College & Careers group from my home church. It was a significantly smaller group than we normally get at our retreats, but it was still an amazing time, and an awesome opportunity to get away from reality for awhile, get some rest, and spend time with God. As our theme for the weekend, we were focusing on walking as Jesus walked. The three sessions were: living a life of integrity as Jesus did, knowing God as Jesus did, and spending time with the Father as Jesus did.

Before our session last night, my young adults pastor decided to take some time for people to share about what God has been teaching them lately. That's when I spoke up and decided to share what I mentioned at the very beginning of this post -- the fact that I was diagnosed with two anxiety disorders in the summer. It's obviously something that has greatly impacted my life, and is a part of my every day. But I'm not here writing all of this because I want everyone to know how rough my struggle can be. I'm here to say that I'm thankful for these anxiety disorders. I actually laughed out loud when that came out of my mouth at the retreat last night; I'd never said those words before. "I'm thankful that I struggle with anxiety." If you're reading this, and you're also someone who struggles with anxiety {and even if you don't}, let me tell you exactly why this is something that I'm thankful for.

Exactly what I said to the group of individuals whom I spent my weekend with was this: "I'm thankful that I struggle with anxiety because while it does suck quite a bit at times, it constantly reminds me of my undeniable need for Christ." I'm someone who can get so caught up in all of the tasks that I have to do every day that I forget to be in a constant state of prayer, inviting God into every situation that I'm in. Because of my humanness, I end up thinking that I can get through every day on my own, by my own strength. But anxiety {and the Lord} remind me that that's not how life works. I end up being completely overwhelmed by anxiety, and I call out to the Lord in prayer, asking Him to be my strength.

After sharing that with the C&C group last night, on the car ride back from the retreat this afternoon, I was reading from The NIV Application Commentary: Acts, and I came across a couple of quotes that brought me hope:

"There will be suffering, and it may be quite severe. But God will turn it into good... Evil is a reality, but God is a deeper and more powerful reality."

"The most important thing to bear in mind in a crisis is the sovereignty of God. An envoy from the Pope once met Martin Luther and threatened him... He warned him that in the end all his supporters would desert him. "Where will you be, then?" he asked. Luther replied, "Then, as now, in the hands of God.""

While these quotes are powerful and encouraging, as a Christian, I find my ultimate comfort and hope from verses that come from the Bible. I've always found 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 to be comforting, especially in times of great anxiety:

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

It's in my most anxiety-filled moments that I realize how truly week I am. It's in those terrifying moments when my heart is racing, my head is spinning, I can't breathe, and I feel like I'm losing control that I am reminded of Who is in control. And let me tell you, it's definitely not me. In reality, it's never me. I'm a mere human. I have an undeniable need for Someone far greater than I. My undeniable need is for my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. And that, my friends, is why I'm thankful that I was diagnosed with a couple of anxiety disorders this past summer.

Remember that time when I said I'd put up two posts each month? Yeah, well I kind of failed with that in August. None the less, I'm back and (hopefully) better than ever!

This past Sunday I moved back into residence at my Bible college and I just completed a week of training alongside the other student leaders (Student Council and RAs [Residence Assistants]). It's been a long and busy week, and I'm now fighting a cold, but I learned a lot this week and I'm feeling ready to face this school year. I have to be honest though, and say that for the first few days I really didn't want to be here. I absolutely love my school; the incredible people that I've met here over the past two years have really made this place feel like a second home to me. But despite that, I really did not want to be here. I have no idea what it was. In a sense though, it was good as it caused me to focus more on God, realizing that He is the true source of joy. It didn't matter that I was surrounded by friends whom I love, and whom I hadn't seen for four months. I still didn't want to be here. But by God's grace and the unending joy that He provides, I'm now settling in and am excited to welcome the rest of the student body to school on Monday morning!

It always strikes me as so interesting that something I've done before can seem so different when it's done again a different time. Does that sentence even make sense? What I mean is that last year I was at school a week early for training week, and I was in the same position - being the newspaper editor on Student Council. But here I am roughly a year later, and everything seems so different, so new. This year feels better, and I feel more confident and more prepared for my position. I feel like I know what's going on, and I feel like I actually belong on Student Council. And while I had to go through some of the same sessions as last year on effective communication, confidentiality and referral, and emergency procedures, that has caused me to realize that sometimes we need to hear something more than once in order for it to actually sink in and stay with us.

Something that I'm really looking forward to is that I'm involved in leading some musical worship with fellow student leaders on Monday. (Sidenote: our worship team consists of me and about six of the RAs so I really want to call us "Lizzy and the RAs".) Anyway, I haven't been on a worship team at my school since my freshman year, so I'm really stoked and I'm grateful that I have this opportunity to lead the student body in musical worship alongside some of the student leaders. God is gooooood.

Although this post isn't as long as some of my other ones have been, I just wanted to give a little bit of an update. My plan over the course of this school year is to use my blog more often, giving updates on life at school, things that I learn in class that stand out to me, or even things that I learn outside of class that stand out to me. So I'll be posting again soon!

Have you ever experienced something that's just so wonderful that you look forward to it every single year? I have. Going to Manitoulin Island on a mission trip with a team from my church has hands down been the highlight of my year since the first time I went in the summer of 2012.

We only got back from our 2016 trip on Saturday, July 16th, and man, I want to go back already! The Lord has laid such a passion, and a burden of love and tenderness in my heart for the Native people up there, and although the week is tiring, and filled with a lot of craziness, it's so so so worth it every single year.


One of the things that I love so much about being on the Island (besides working with the children - which is why we go up there in the first place), is the quietness of our campsite, and the sunsets.
On Manitoulin Island, the sunsets are so colourful, and I find them to be so much more clear, and more beautiful than they are in the city.
Although I'm used to the bustle and convenience of everything being relatively close together in the city, I've gotta say that I love how far away everything is on Manitoulin... Well, maybe not. I'm not a big fan of the thirty to forty-five minute drive to get to the closest restaurant for supper, but I absolutely love not hearing cars constantly whizzing by on busy streets behind my house. When we got back to the church on the 16th, one of the first things we heard were sirens, and one of the team members looked at me, kind of chuckled, and said, "Well, that's how we know we're home..."

I feel like this year was the best trip yet (although I'm pretty sure I say that every year...)! Things went relatively smoothly, and as a team we've gotten a lot better at truly trusting God, relying on Him and His plan, and being "one hundred percent prepared, and one thousand percent flexible", as my youth pastor (and Manitoulin team leader) puts it.

Something that was a huge highlight for me over the course of the trip was the games afternoon that we did with the Native children on the Wednesday. Normally, camp goes from about 9:30 until 1:00, but with the games afternoon, camp was going until 2:00. Initially I wasn't super stoked about the idea of spending an extra hour with a group of about fifty crazy children, but it went so much better than expected! I'm honestly questioning why we didn't do a games afternoon with the kids in previous years!
Personally I think that it was a huge hit with the kids because even though it was still low key structured, it wasn't like the mornings which are more like: 'Okay kids, you have to go around to each different rotation, with the same group, and the same leaders the whole time!' It was like, 'Okay kids, you can choose whatever station you want to, and do the activity that's there.' So the kids really got to feel like they had options and weren't constantly being told what to do.
I sat at the colouring table, and I got to spend an hour colouring alongside my best friend Rachel, and some of the kids. It was really fun to chat with them in a relaxed setting, and it wasn't a high-stress afternoon at all.

It's crazy how attached you end up getting to the team members that you go on the trip with; we were only together for a short week (okay... it didn't always feel short!), but now I can't go a day without texting at least three of them and being super sappy about how much I miss seeing them everyday, or about how I surprisingly miss trying to keep a small group (...or a "small" group) of about twenty kids in the rotation that they're supposed to be in.

Going to Manitoulin Island gives me something to look forward to every year, and it excites me year after year because I know that God is going to work in awesome ways that go far beyond my comprehension. He's provided my church with this incredible opportunity for the past seven years, and although we may not feel like the best messengers of the Gospel, and we often don't see the fruits of our labour, God continually gives us encouragement through His Word. For example, 1 Corinthians 15:58 tells us;

"Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the LORD, because you know that your labour in the LORD is not in vain."

There's always something special about going to a remote place that's so different from the daily hustle and bustle of city life... even if it involves a seemingly eternal nine hour car drive. Being away from home in a completely different setting really helps me to re-evaluate my focus, and to truly rely on God and trust that He will provide; He always provides each member of the team with health, safety, strength, and energy throughout the entirety of the trip. Sometimes all you need is a change of pace to really help reorient your faith.

Early July signifies two things for me. And no, I'm not talking about Canada Day and the Fourth of July. But good guesses. I'm talking about the annual mission trip a team from my church takes to Manitoulin Island, and since last year, the anniversary of the death of a friend of mine.

On this day last year, we said goodbye to the earthly tent of my dear friend. Up to this point in my life, the days between his death and the day I left for Manitoulin with the team last year, have been the worst days I have ever experienced. I've never cried so hard in my life. I've never cried for so long in my life. I'd never said goodbye to a young friend of mine in my life.

I remember writing a blog post around this time last year, and I talked far more in depth about the trip to Manitoulin (sidenote: we leave for this year's trip in just two days!). Because of the events that had occurred earlier that week, I was feeling so angry, heartbroken, sad, and confused at this time last year. Something that I said in that post was,

"I'm writing this the night before we're set to leave (we leave in about ten hours!) and although I'm excited, there is definitely a different dynamic in the air this year... This year, there has been a lot going on in my life since the start of the summer, and I have to admit that I'm not excited as I had thought I would be at this point in time... I feel bad that I'm going up to Manitoulin Island and not feeling like myself, and not being extremely excited. The Bible tells us that there is a season for everything, and currently I'm in a season of mourning and hardship. I know that God will use me no matter how I'm feeling, and I have the desire to serve Him even though I'm sad."

I was sitting in my room last night, reflecting and journaling about what life was like for me this time last year. I was shocked when I realized how far I've come, and how once again, the dynamic is very different in early July of this year. As I previously stated, there was so much hurt, sadness, and confusion that had taken up residence in my heart in July 2015. This year, as the end of June was approaching, and I was journaling about the last conversation that I'd had with my friend at the end of June last year, I wrote that I was dreading the beginning of July. But now that it's here, I'm finding that I can manage it better than I had initially given myself credit for.

Last night, a bunch of us who were friends of his from church and/or Bible study, went to the cemetery to remember him by his graveside. I was super anxious about going, and to be honest, I kind of didn't want to because I knew that my heart would start hurting, I would be sad, and I'd probably feel angry and confused. Which was true; it happened. I was sad, and I was confused. But, as strange as this may sound, I enjoyed myself. And I feel like it's safe to say that the rest of my friends who attended, enjoyed themselves too. We stood around and shared funny stories and good memories that we had of him. And his girlfriend pointed out the fact that it's so encouraging that no one has bad or angry memories of him. All we can remember are happy, inspirational, and goofy things.

As we all stood around his grave last night, just about one year after we stood there together saying goodbye on that rainy and terrible day, I found myself absolutely in awe of how powerful and awesome God has been to all of us throughout this season of mourning and loss. His sovereignty is beyond our comprehension, but we still remain faithful to Him, and He remains faithful to us. Even if some of the days were so hard that we just barely had the strength to get through the day, God still granted that strength. He has provided us with comfort from his Holy Spirit, from each other, and from other individuals in each of our lives. I'm truly grateful for the grace, love, mercy, comfort, and unconditional love that God has shown to each of us in this past year.

Last year, early July brought me much sadness, heartbreak, anger, and confusion. This year, life in early July has me finding that hope, peace, and comfort from the Lord have now taken up residence in my heart. Yes, I find that my heart physically hurts when I think about how much I miss my friend, or about what his future could have and would have held. Yes, not a day goes by that I don't think about, remember, or do/say/think of/see something that reminds me of him. But I can still sit here and write with confidence that although there is pain in my heart, there is also hope because I have assurance through the death and resurrection of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ that I will see my friend again in heaven. How do I know this? Because my friend had that very same faith in Christ that I have, and everyone who knew him can attest to that. My greatest joy in all of this is that when I see my dear friend again in heaven, it will be for forever. I'll never have to say a heart-wrenching goodbye to him (or anyone) ever again. What an incredible promise and blessing that truly is.

Let me share a truth nugget that I've been learning over the past few weeks {and probably all throughout my life, but I'm just seeing it more clearly now}.

Being content. "Can I get a definition please?" Yup.

Content - adjective: satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.

I had mentioned in a previous post that "[w]hen God is teaching me something, He tends to make that very evident to me through various examples everywhere I go". I'm pretty sure that when teaching me something, He wants to be sure I really get it; He wants to confirm that I truly comprehend what He's trying to drill into my skull.

Moving back to my parent's house for the summer may mean no more hours spent sitting in a classroom for four months, but what it does mean is more hours than normal spent at work for four months.

Ugh.

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my job, but knowing that it's not something I want to be doing for the rest of my life has left me feeling a bit blasé about the whole thing lately. So when an announcement showed up in the bulletin at my church one Sunday about a summer student job opportunity right there at the church, I jumped at it.
Weeeeeeellll... Okay, not really. My friends had to tease me and feel convictions on my behalf before I finally thought I'd go for it.

But during the time of teasing from my friends is exactly when God was working in me.

The Sunday that the announcement was first in the bulletin was the same Sunday that a guest speaker was doing the sermon at my church. He was a missionary, so naturally he was talking about getting out of our comfort zones by trying a new volunteer position, new workplace, or maybe even moving somewhere completely foreign. Something he said that jumped out at me was:

"The name in the top left corner of your paycheck may change over the years, but the One you're truly working for is always the same."

Since I was hesitant about that summer job opportunity at my church, after that sermon is when my friends jokingly asked me if I felt that the speaker was talking to me when he talked about trying something new. My immediate reaction was no; I had felt that what the speaker said that jumped out at me was a reminder that I need to be content with the job that I have right now because ultimately I'm working for the Lord. I may not be getting as many hours as I want at my job, but that's not what really matters.

While I thought that that quote from the speaker was interesting, I quickly forgot about being content where I'm working, and the fact that I'm ultimately working for God. I decided to take up the opportunity for the summer student job at my church because I'd have consistent hours, the pay was good, and I mean, anything would be better than my job now, right?

Wrong. I didn't even get the summer student position at my church.

Despite how indecisive I had initially been, I still felt a fair amount of disappointment when I didn't get that job. I quickly realized however, that maybe I didn't get the job because God was still waiting for me to be content right where I'm at, because I very clearly wasn't. The other day someone asked me if I like my job, and I even surprised myself, and am ashamed that my hasty response was, "no, I don't". A day later I was reflecting on that with my mom, and saying that while I may wish that I had more hours, I have a lot to be thankful for at my job!

1. I'm not being mistreated by my employer
2. I get along quite well with my co-workers
3. I have consistency in my role at work -- I always know what's expected of me
4. I had a job to come home to when the school year ended, instead of having to go out on the ol' summer job search that every university student dreads

God is so good at gently {and repeatedly} reminding me to be satisfied with what I have, and not desiring anything more. I'm learning to appreciate my job with the thought in mind that it is ultimately the Lord for whom I'm doing my work.

"I'm grateful."

That's something I've found myself thinking or saying a lot recently. It's in the captions on my Facebook pictures, it's in my tweets as I reflect on the day, it's a hashtag on my Instagram photos of the beach, or a sunset. But all too often, I don't live my life in a way that reflects gratefulness.

Today I got home from taking a week-long intensive course at my school on the book of Psalms. There are one hundred and fifty Psalms and they can be organized into different categories, some of them being: lament, praise, thanksgiving, penitential, and enthronement Psalms. On the day that my professor talked about praise Psalms, something that he said really stuck out to me. He said, "Praise places us outside of ourselves and causes us to recognize that life is a gift". The knowledge that life is gift is something that although I logically know is true, it easily gets forgotten. Instead, too often we wind up getting consumed by the struggles and stresses of life.

I tend to be someone who gets anxious about a lot of things, so constantly being grateful no matter the situation is something that I've recently been striving to improve on. While this isn't from the Psalms, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 provides a good reminder to us that as Christians we are called to

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

One simple strategy that can be used to put this into play is to start each morning by thinking of three things that you're thankful for; I got this idea from one of my pastors. Generally you'll start out with simple things like "family, friends, and pizza" but the more time you spend thinking about it, you'll end up with a list like "strength to get through every day, God's grace and unconditional love, and the joy that is found in friendships". Keep in mind that both lists are okay! It's perfectly fine to be grateful for the small things in life (pizza is delicious, after all); sometimes you have a hard day and the small things are all you can think of to be thankful for. But no matter what, it's necessary to remember that God is good, just, and loving, and He is worthy of all of our praise.
As an extension to that idea, lately I've enjoyed reflecting each day by taking my journal at night and making a list of ten things that I was grateful for within that day. That's also great because when I look back on previous journal entries, I'll remember specific things that I did that day!

Another important (and related) reminder that my professor gave this week is:

"To praise God is to live, and to live is to praise God."

Sometimes I seem to forget that every single moment, object, and human being was created by God. It's a thought that I can't fully fathom. But that statement from my professor is so awesome; it brings me right back to creation. God is the author of everything, and while He didn't need us in order to sustain Himself, He chose to create humankind. And that thought brings me back to the first point that I mentioned from my professor. Life is a gift. And it's one that God graciously grants us each morning, and for that I'm grateful. I long to live out each moment of this gift giving total praise to our God.

Exactly a week ago (on May 19th), my blog turned one! *cue intense cheering and applause*

Today is the second day in a row that I'm wearing shorts, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the windows in my house are open, and I. Am. Happy! Ergo, I decided that I must do The Happiness Tag! I found it while creeping my best friend's blog this morning.

Something that far too many people struggle with today, something that I struggle with, something that frustrates me, is body image. Now, I'll cue the infinite chorus of groans because I know you're thinking that this is going to be just another blog post from another young girl who's going to say something empowering like "you just need to love yourself!", as though it's as easy as pouring yourself a glass of water from the fridge. Trust me, I know that learning to love yourself isn't quite that easy.

For the past four months or so, I've been attempting to live a healthier lifestyle. I would go to the gym at least twice a week with one of my apartment mates, I did some fun work outs with a couple of other friends from school, I tried (and somewhat failed) to eat healthier than I normally do. I'm finding all of this to be more difficult to do now that I'm back at home for the summer and living without the constant encouragement and validation from my friends.

The point of this post though, is that while a healthy lifestyle is definitely not bad in and of itself, it can become bad; it can become destructive. Striving to live a healthy lifestyle can become an obsession. And that's my problem.

I want to be someone who likes making and eating creative salads, someone who can get up at 7:00 every morning and go for a run (even in the summer when I don't have a morning class), someone who spends more time at the gym each week than they do enjoying sugary caffeinated drinks at Tim Horton's with friends, someone who would rather drink protein shakes in place of milkshakes.
I want so badly to say that the problem lies in the fact that I'm not like that, but I'm beginning to see that the real problem lies in what my motivation is behind wanting to lead a healthy life.

One of my friends who has been hugely encouraging to me in this healthy journey of mine told me something that stuck out to me. He said that because it's a known fact that exercise is beneficial, God must have intended for us to be using our bodies to be doing some type of exercise or daily movement. I agree with that! Exercise is good for our bodies, and we are told in Scripture that we should be treating our bodies well as they are a temple of the Holy Spirit. 

It's so easy to let our focus slip from that real, Christian perspective to a selfish, earthly one of "I want to eat healthy and work out because I have a little, teensy weensy amount of extra body fat that I need to get rid of". It's eternally frustrating to me that while I'm not actually fat, I still feel like I'm fat; I feel like I have weight that I need to get rid of. I'm realizing that I need to firmly root my healthy lifestyle motivation in a desire to treat my body right because I understand that I've been masterfully created by the One who created this entire earth that we live on, and He wants me to love myself in the way that He loves me. And the reason why this post isn't going to be all "you just need to love yourself!" is because that's hard. I get that!

Although it's difficult to admit, I've realized that while my desire to live a healthy lifestyle appears to others to be a positive change, deep down I know that my motivation being found in my own selfish desire to lose this weight and look thinner is not. This mindset and goal have become destructive for me. Because when a Baconator or a Starbucks frappuccino come my way, all motivation goes out the door. Or after I eat badly or skip going for a run one day, I feel guilty and mentally beat myself up for it.

My absolute favourite YouTuber is Cambria Joy (also known as breelovesbeauty). The other week she posted a video entitled Your Worth Is Not In Your Weight - Why Skinny Never Satisfies (you can watch it here), and it's probably the best video I've ever watched. I've re-watched it a number of times since she uploaded it, and here are a few of my favourite things that she said:

• "I thought I could satisfy my inner hunger externally, but as the numbers on the scale dropped, my hunger inside did not."
• "Getting thin did not bring the lasting happiness that it promised, and using quick-fixes for my appearance was one thing, but there was no quick-fix for my starving soul."
• "I expected a diet to fix my problems, but I'll tell you this: thinner legs won't."
• "God made us in His image, but this broken world wants us to believe we should be made in our own."
• "You cannot improve your physical appearance and expect to be made complete in that."
• "Jesus' finished work on the cross [...] gave you more beauty and it gave you more worth than a mirror could ever show."

And then she said this:

"The mirror can never show you who you are. It can never tell you that you are masterfully created and hand-designed by the God who made the universe and the stars."

I'm so grateful for Cambria's video (and for her in general); I'm starting to focus my motivation back on God, being thankful each day that He has gifted me with a body that I am able to fuel and use in a healthy way for His glory. There are people who only wish that they could go out for a run (or a walk) every day, and here I am not daily taking advantage of that simple, seemingly monotonous ability that I have! Now, I can't say that I've given up Quarter Pounders or iced cappuccinos (and I don't think that I ever will), but I'm realizing that God has created me beautifully, exactly where I'm at. That's another thing that Cambria touched on, in a way in which I can relate; she said "my greatest fear was that if I was brave enough to believe that God made me beautifully in His image right where I was at, that I would never be fully satisfied." It's not easy, but I'm learning that I have to come to believe that; I have to be brave; I have to learn to be content right where I'm at.

I need to reorient my healthy lifestyle motivation from that of self-loathing to one of loving my body and myself where God has me right now. As I continue to see physical results from exercising and eating well, that's simply an added bonus! I need to stop "looking at my own physical appearance hoping that I [can] see my worth" (Cambria Joy). As the title of Cambria's video says: your worth is not in your weight! And how truly wonderful that is.